Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
