he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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