I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
