i was born a porn star she said
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
