all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
