he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
