i will never coherently bang her
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
