I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
