Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
