Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize