some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
