girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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