OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You are the jesus of drinking
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
