I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
