It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
