Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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