whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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