We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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