I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
