I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
