So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
