dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
