So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
