M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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