Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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