Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
