Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
