im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
