He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
