are you still at the devil's house?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
