i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
