Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
