I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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