Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
