Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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