I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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