I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
