ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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