and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
