remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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