i think my mom watched the whole time
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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