So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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