He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
