You're my little dorito
My room smells like vodka and shame
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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