How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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