I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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