I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
