GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
