DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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