Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
