He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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