ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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