oh god the rape fog is back!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
