I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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