Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
