I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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