someone threw a dead crab at me
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
