if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
