Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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