wrigley field is MILF paradise
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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