Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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