I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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