My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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