Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
