Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
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She bit a glass in half.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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