that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
