somebody snuck up and got me drunk
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Congratulations! We have a period
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
