Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
