matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize